


someone that loves you

by pinkmelon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cheating, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, because reasons. reasons you will see, eventually anyway, mature because eventually, summary also subject to change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:32:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkmelon/pseuds/pinkmelon
Summary: kakashi is hokage, and he takes a wife he doesn't want. sakura is a mother, and she thinks she's fine on her own.shenanigans ensue, eventually.this is a primarily kakasaku fic, so no other ships are tagged. they're pretty self-explanatory though.





	1. a man on a mission

Hatake Kakashi is married.

What’s important to note is that he never wanted to be. But, after the war, the carnage, and the inextricable mass death that came with it all, there needs to be life rising from the ashes. They said to him, that damnable council, they said – “Oh, you must be the example! You find a wife, and they will all say, _‘Yes, yes, we should too!”_ _–_ and the logic behind it wasn’t exactly _wrong_. And so he found a wife.

She is a humble woman, someone the matchmaker said would be good for the Hatake. And she has been. He loves her, in the way he loves all constants in his life. Because she is always there, waiting for him to come home, even if he does not touch her. Even if they did not produce any children.

Her name is Miwa; she is three years his junior, she likes chocolate, she makes fried rice very well. She does not understand why he has so many dogs, and why he lets them sleep on the couch. She sleeps on a strict schedule, and always keeps the apartment clean. She waters his plants for him, where they were dying before. Sometimes she makes saury, because she knows he likes it, and he smiles at her from across the table and she smiles back and they eat in silence.

He wonders, sometimes, if he could grow to love her some greater way.

The council does not hound them for children, thankfully. Their union was enough to spur the village into action. Marriages left and right, pregnancies. Children being born. Lots of children were born, actually. The council had a field day with it, so excited, so pleased, to have the ranks being replenished. So many citizens doing their duty. Kakashi reflects on this as he stands within the Hokage’s office, back to the door, eyes on his face etched into the rock. He has a cup of tea in his hand, but he doesn’t drink it; it’s getting cold. He doesn’t mind, much, he finds.

Children. Naruto and Hinata had a son together, born in the winter after the war. So did Ino and Sai. At first, that relationship had confused him, but he supposed it made sense; long since had Ino crushed on Sasuke, and the two boys looked similar, didn’t they? Maybe it was a shallow marriage, but they seemed happy enough. Sasuke, though. Aa, now that was an _interesting_ subject to broach, now wasn’t it?

Pardoned of his crimes, let free. If Hokage had been anyone else, it surely would’ve been much bigger a hassle. Even Naruto’s leverage only went so far. People still did not trust him, and Kakashi severely doubts they ever will. They did as much as they could for him. Now he was out there, in other dimensions, so far away. He rarely wrote, but nobody seemed to mind much. Not even Sakura.

Sakura. She had a child, too. It was not hers. Most people assumed it was hers. At first glance, if you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was, too. But there was a distinct red sheen to the dark hair of hers, barely perceptible, and though Kakashi no longer had the Sharingan, he could tell that Sarada Uchiha had not a drop of Haruno blood in her. Uzumaki, maybe. Definitely Uzumaki. Even as a baby, even with his normal eyes, he could tell she had deep, deep chakra reserves. She’d be a strong one. Still,  he never asked, he thought it rude to; Sakura said she was her daughter, and for all intents and purposes, she was. She loved her the way a mother is meant to love her children.

It’s admirable, he thinks, as he now turns away from the window and allows his mask to slip, to sip from his now cooled tea ( _it doesn’t taste as good_.) It’s admirable that she take up the mantle of motherhood when she needn’t. Or maybe she does need to – Kakashi knows nothing of the circumstances that led to her taking this girl into her arms, only that she did it. And that was enough for him, he supposed.

She was a good mother, from what he could tell. Kakashi had little experience in the realm of mothers, the one which birthed him gone, and the one which adopted him fell not long after. A mother was loving, right? She had that. A mother was strong, yes? She definitely had that. A mother was beautiful, and graceful, and wonderful; yeah, she had that. Sarada, small as she was, was happy when he saw her. She must be doing something right.

For that he is proud. He’s not sure why he’s proud, it’s not as though he taught her how to be a mother, but he is proud nonetheless.

Suddenly there is a knock at his door, stirring him from his thoughts, and he returns his mask to his face.

“Come in.”

It’s Naruto, and he’s got a wide grin on his face, a baby boy bouncing in his arms with bright blue eyes and little scars in his cheek that look just like his father’s. It makes you wonder if the Uzumaki doesn’t reproduce via budding, how eerily similar the two look. Over he comes, all teeth and sunshine, and sets himself down upon the cleanest corner of the Rokudaime’s desk he can find, resting his son upon his knee and bouncing, which results in the boy giggling in delight. Kakashi finds even himself hard pressed to resist a smile.

“ _Kakashi-senseiiiii_ !” He drawls his name, while the man himself reaches the tail end of his pen out to jab it into the boy’s thigh, for reasons they both knew. He much preferred these days to be called simply Kakashi; he got enough of honorifics from his staff on a daily basis, and so would cut him short the moment Naruto tried to say, “Kakashi…. _Sama_?” Because that was no good too.

“Kakashi.” The former-jounin says firmly, shaking his head as he finally returns to the paperwork upon his desk. Legislation. He needed to work out proper law with Gaara, now that Shikamaru and Temari married. Though both parties knew there was little to concern themselves with, since Temari had decided to stay within Konoha, it was still important to do. This much the two Kages had agreed upon. “What do you need, Naruto?”

“Well, I wanted to come see, y’know, if you wanted to go get lunch this weekend, yeah? With me and Sakura. It’s been ages, y’know, since we got to do that! And it’s the only time we’re not all busy! I mean, you get what I mean right? We never--” He gets cut off again, by a curt raise of Kakashi’s hand.

“We’re all adults with lives now, Naruto.”

“Exactly!” He lets out an exasperated noise, which his son mimics. Briefly, the older man wonders why he’s brought his son in. Not that he minds much. Maybe he’s on baby duty today; he knows Hinata has her hands full with her own clan now and then. “We’re _adults_! And it totally sucks, y’know! We gotta… we gotta have fun! Even if it’s super boring like getting lunch together because it’s the only day we don’t work.”

“You don’t really sound like a father.” Kakashi chides, though teasingly. Naruto feigns hurt, but laughs instead.

“Ne, ne, Kakashi-sensei,” he pauses as his former teacher gives him a Look. “You don’t have to be so mean! I’m a great dad!” Naruto puffs his chest out dramatically, as if somehow the appearance of broader shoulders made one look like a better dad.

Kakashi cannot help but chuckle. “I am sure you are, Naruto.”

Silence extends a moment, before Naruto breathes in. It’s the sort of inhale that lets you know he’s about to ask a question. He assumes he’s going to extend the invitation to lunch again, but what really comes out of his mouth makes Kakashi’s lips press into a fine line.

“What about you, Kakashi?” He’s actually serious here, dropping the title. “I mean, you don’t have any kids yet. Are you going to have any? It’d be totally cool if our kids could grow up together, y’know! Like, I mean--”

He is careful not to betray the irritation that bubbles in him, his expression is slack. “Naruto.”

“It’d be really cool, that’s all! Think about it, they’d play games together an’ we could do playdates or whatever, Hinata talks about those all the time with Sakura--”

“Naruto!”

Finally he stops, and both Naruto and the baby look concerned. “Please stop asking.”

The jinchuuriki leans forward now, in a hushed tone, despite that the office is empty save for the three of them. He gingerly covers Boruto’s ears, as if this were sensitive information.

“Is everything okay with you and Miwa?”

The inquiry makes the Hokage grind his teeth. “Yes, things are fine.”

“Then why not?”

His exhale is long, and too tired. “Naruto.”

Third time’s the charm, and the man shuts up. Not that he looks particularly happy about it, arms folded over his chest in distaste for the situation. He’s quiet for a while, before he speaks a final time.

“Lunch this weekend, yeah?”

“... Fine, lunch.” He reluctantly agrees, to which Naruto finds this a small victory, and gives his son a tiny fistbump. He says his goodbyes, and all but whirlwinds out of the room, leaving Kakashi to his silence once more.

He just busies himself with his paperwork.

 

* * *

 

When he goes home, Miwa is there. She stands at the windowsill, tending to the flowers she’d put there. They’re tulips, pretty ones. They’re pink and purple. They go with her eyes, he thinks idly, as he removes his shoes and ghosts past her into the kitchen. There’s rice in the rice cooker, and curry in the pot. It’s still bubbling, because she made it only just before he came home. She’s always so careful to have food on time for him, which he appreciates. A schedule is nice, a schedule he can follow.

She arrives in the kitchen not long after him, holding herself in an embrace that he never gives her. He hadn’t even touched her on their wedding day. Not that either of them really mind, he supposed. Or that he minded. He never thought to ask her what she wanted. It seemed they were content to be friends.

“Ne, Kakashi?” Her voice pipes up, as he lifts the lid on the rice cooker to scoop it out onto a plate. It smells good, fresh.

“Yes?” He asks, smoothing down his rice into a little plateau with the paddle to drip the curry over.

“Did you have a good day?” She always asks this. It’s part of the routine.

“As good as any other, I guess.” To the curry now, something spicy this time. Last time she’d made sweet, by mistake, and he hadn’t liked it. He didn’t say so, but they’d grown accustomed to each other. He knew she saw the face he made, even if he tried to hide it. “Naruto came to visit.”

“Oh? What for?”

“... Mm, he wants to go to lunch with Sakura and I this weekend. He said that we haven’t spent time together in a while.”

“Well, you haven’t.”

He’s seated himself at the table now, nodding along. He drops the mask, and neither of them bat an eyelash. When they first got married, he refused to. He’d tell her to turn around and he’d gobble it all up in an instant and give himself a stomach ache out of stubbornness. They were long past that, though. She knew how he felt about it, and she never uttered a word to anyone. He trusts her. That was close to love, wasn’t it? “No, I haven’t.”

“Are you going to go?” She asks then, so many questions she has, while she fills her own plate.

“Yeah.”

He then asks about her day, out of courtesy, minor desire to learn of life outside the Hokage’s office. She happily obliges, tells him about her shopping, her friends, how her mother came by for lunch. He’s not particularly interested in the end, but he listens all the same.

They go to bed after that. They sleep in separate rooms, across the hall from one another. They smile at each other before they disappear behind their doors, and Kakashi lays in his bed. The comforter is the same shuriken-covered one he’s had for years. He’s thankful for its familiarity in a life that grows increasingly unfamiliar each day.

He does not sleep for a long time.


	2. to become a mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is written from sakura's point of view, but this fic will primarily be from kakashi's.  
> i wanted to get her information situated before continuing. there won't be a ton of chapters from her pov, but there will be more!

Haruno Sakura is not married.

Not that she wanted to be, of course. She had too much to take care of! Nevermind that the council had said, _‘Hey! We want you to make some babies!’_ Sakura liked to do what was best for her village, of course, and maybe if things had been different, she’d have gotten married. She’d maybe have settled down. Maybe! Who would she have married, though? That’s the question. _Sasuke_ ?... The idea was laughable, at best. She’d spent months with him on the road though, a desperate attempt at, maybe, just that. But he did not settle down. And he had eyes for someone else, someone with red hair and glasses -- and a bump. A bump! Kami, she had a _bump_.

That’s when Sakura knew, finally, that life with him was impossible. It wasn’t a heartbreaking realization, at least. It did make her sad, though. She had retreated to her tent and laid on her cot and she thought, ‘ _Well, this is it, then, isn’t it?_ ’ She always knew, all along, that it wasn’t going to be easy. That someday she’d have to face the truth. And so, with a heavy heart, she did. Heavy not because she was hurt, but because she was tired, and ashamed. How long she had spent chasing him, for foolish reasons. She had decided to leave after that.

But not before being given a gift.

Karin and Sasuke had gone to her, had sat her down the day after. In her time with them, Sakura had grown close to the red-head. She recalls the woman placing a hand upon her thigh for comfort. Who’s comfort, she’s still not sure. The both of them, perhaps.

In any case, they’d told her what was obvious: there was a baby coming.

Then they told her what was even more obvious: the life they led was not a life a baby should lead.

And then they asked her: _could you raise her?_

There had been very little thought on Sakura’s part. She said, “ _I’ll take the night to consider it_ ,” and they’d nodded and said, “ _of course_ ,” and within minutes she had made her decision.

She waited until the morning to say she would take the baby, whom she learned was a girl based on some chakra sensing, and even Sasuke seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. He’d held Sakura’s hand in his and he’d said “ _thank you_ ,” and it was the most sincere she’d felt him in years.

She stayed until the baby was born. Then, she stayed a little more, until she was but a few months, a crying babe. Sarada, they’d all decided, was her name. Sarada Uchiha. She went back to Konoha with her, walked through the gates, and introduced everyone to her new daughter. Her beautiful, wonderful daughter. She always said she was Sasuke’s, and nobody questioned it. She never said she was her own blood, but nobody ever asked, anyway. Everybody assumed it was. She didn’t mind not saying it, maybe it was better this way. Only a few people knew the truth. Naruto and Hinata, for one. Ino. Her parents knew, too. But that was all.

Sarada ended up taking over her life in all the best ways. Every moment she was not at work in the hospital, she was at work being a mother, and happily so.

So, no. Haruno Sakura was not married. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?

 

* * *

 

Ino thinks it is.

Ino thinks that Sakura needs a _boyfriend_.

She jabbers on about it into the early hours of the afternoon while the two of them sit in Sakura’s living room, watching Sarada discover her hands and knees and how to use them to get places. The young mother is enthralled by her daughter’s quickness, and supposes it makes sense. Sasuke had been a genius, hadn’t he? She imagines him as a baby, fumbling to learn how to crawl, and can hardly stifle the giggle which rises to her lips.

Here, Ino realizes she wasn’t listening, and swats at her arm. “Hey, _forehead_!”

“What, _pig_?” She asks, recovering from her moment of laughter and looking to see her friend standing with her hands on her hips in that signature power stance. Ino was still Ino, even after the war, even after becoming a mother. Some things never change, and for that, Sakura is grateful.

“I’m serious! You should go on a _date_. I can set you up.” The woman flips her ponytail over her shoulder, it was getting very long. Sakura still keeps her own hair short, because it’s easier that way.

“There’s no need.” She watches as Sarada wobbles, trying to crawl to a toy across the floor. She’s doing well enough, and while Ino continues to chide her on her bachelorette status, the kunoichi shimmies forward to place both her hands under the baby’s stomach to help hold her up just enough. Sarada giggles excitedly, grasping onto the rattle laid upon the carpet.

“There’s definitely a need. You’re always working, or taking care of her! I mean, it’s great that you take care of her, but Sakura…” Her expression softens, looking down at the girl. “You need time to yourself.”

A groan of protest comes from Sakura, adjusting her daughter to sit upright so she could shake it back and forth. It’s so loud, but they’re all used to it now. Shake- _shake-shake_ . Giggle. _Shake_. It’s cute, and Sakura watches fondly. Ino does too, as she lowers herself to the floor to sit cross-legged beside Sakura. Sarada is a beautiful child, with pretty eyelashes, rosy cheeks, and hair as dark as her father’s. She’s smart, already trying to formulate the words she hears Sakura say (she’s come very close to the word mama, for the record,) and here she was, learning to crawl. What a baby she was, indeed.

“I think I’m okay, Ino. I’ve been fine without a boyfriend this whole time, haven’t I?”

Ino doesn’t seem convinced, but she knows better than to force her friend into it. “I guess.”

At that moment there is a knock at the door, a familiar knock. Three short ones, one big loud one, and everyone knows who’s come to visit in an instant. Leaving Ino with Sarada for the time being, Sakura scurries over the door to open it up and allow Naruto and all his excitement pour through the door like a flood. The room feels ten times brighter, suddenly, between his great grin and the bubbly baby strapped to his chest. He looked absolutely ridiculous wearing a baby bjorn, but there he was, proud as ever. Boruto just laughs, reaching tiny arms for Sakura.

“What can we do for you, Naruto?” She asks, offering her pointer finger to the boy. He grips it, and Sakura realizes now that he’s got a hell of a grip. And such innocent eyes, that she doesn’t mind the struggle it is to pull her digit from the baby’s grasp.

“I just wanted to come visit, y’know! Been a while, and I just came from Kakashi-sensei’s office, and I had a question to ask!”

“So you didn’t just want to come visit?” She asks, relishing the way he sheepishly turns away from her, all whilst removing Boruto from his chest. He sets the boy down near Sarada, and the two begin to babble. Babble, babble, excitement.

Ino continues to be vigilant watchkeeper of baby village while Naruto shrugs his shoulders. “I was gonna say this weekend, we should go to lunch! The three of us, since y’know, Sasuke’s gone and we can’t be four, and anyway we haven’t hung out in a while, and we’re all _boring grown ups_ who can’t do fun things anymore, so _lunch_! Yeah?”

“So what, you want to go get ramen?”

“I mean, yeah!” His answer is expected, and still Sakura laughs.

“And what did Kakashi-sensei say?”

“Not to call him sensei anymore.” He pouts, arms folded.

Sakura laughs again. “No, no, about lunch!”

“Oh! He’ll go.” And that’s enough for Sakura to agree. She nods, about to say _‘Sure! Me too!_ ’ when there’s the sound of Ino gasping (or _giggling_?) as a tiny thump is heard. They turn their heads to look at the children, and sure enough, Sarada has smacked Boruto in the face with her rattle. He looks shaken, and within moments, he starts crying. It’s a booming, loud cry, and it’s got Naruto jumping forward to lift his son in his arms, while Sakura looks apologetic.

“I didn’t take her one for violence.” She admits, rubbing at an ear as if it’d ease the sound of the baby’s wailing. It does not. “Sorry, Naruto.”

“S’okay! It happens! Babies are weird, y’know?” He chuckles, and presses a kiss to the baby’s forehead, and he slowly calms down. “Make it up to me by coming to lunch!”

“Alright, sure. I’ll go to lunch.”

He beams, and once Boruto had relaxed entirely, he makes his way out of the house.

Ino is pleased, and yet not. “Well, it’s not a date. But it’s something. I’ll watch Sarada for you, okay?”

Sakura laughs, and shakes her head. “Alright, thank you, Ino.”

That night, Sakura lays in bed and thinks about everything. She tilts her head to the side, glancing at the crib her daughter slept so soundly in, and she feels at ease. Hands grip the blanket underneath her, a soft thing given to her by her mother, and a smile crosses her. When her eyes return to the ceiling, she thinks that she is not lonely. She has friends, and family, and a child.

She is not lonely, even if the empty spot in the bed beside her her yearns for her to believe otherwise.


	3. ramen and good vibes

When the weekend rolls around, Kakashi feels a sense of vibrancy in his tired bones that he hasn’t in awhile.

Of course, he saw Sakura, and he saw Naruto, but rarely did he see the two of them together. He’s… excited, actually, now that he thinks about it, now that he slips his last piece of paper atop the ‘ _ I-did-all-this _ ’ pile and settles back in his chair, too big and too comfy, that he all too often naps in. Miwa knew he would be out to lunch today, and as such, did not pack him a bento (though, had she, he’d have gone through it hours ago like the fool he was,) and he has certainly grown hungry.

It’s obvious as he makes his way down to the bottom floor of the Hokage Tower, that he’s got just a bit more skip in his step than he had the day prior. Nobody thinks to ask, though. Or maybe they don’t notice.

Scuffing his sandals against loose rocks in the road, Kakashi waits patiently outside the tower with his hands stuffed into his pockets. At first glance, he does not look like a Kage - he does not hold himself exceptionally high, he does not look proud of dignified (even Tsunade was capable of such shows,) nor does is he that charismatic. When he needs to be, he supposes he is, but in this moment, the only thing which shows the man is anything but a shinobi is the great cliff face that bore his image.

A few passing children wave at him, joy in their eyes, and the softening that takes place in his dark irises is something he can hardly keep from happening. He was thankful for their presence, that not all was lost in the war. Even if the war brought about more change than he was used to.

Something else he is thankful for is that he has no time to ruminate on that particular thought, as Naruto comes barreling down the street with Sakura in tow behind him, waving his arm wildly at the sight of the Hatake.

“Kakashi-sens-” He sees the look in Kakashi’s eyes, and cuts himself off as he stops just short of toppling the man over, releasing Sakura’s wrist at the same time. “You remembered lunch! Man, I thought I was gonna have to drag you outta that chair or something! Y’know, you’re so committed to the job, and all.”

Behind his mask, there’s an imperceptible frown, but nothing else.

He glances to Sakura, who only shrugs her shoulder, and rubs at her wrist because apparently Naruto had a vice grip when he’s excited. Anyone who’s anyone could’ve told her that, though. She smiles afterwards and steps forward to get a good look at her former sensei up close, which has him leaning back to escape it. 

“Yo.” It comes out a little garbled, as his chin scrunches inward against his neck and were he not wearing his mask he was sure everyone would laugh at him.

“You look tired! Have you been resting?” Her voice is curious, and her smile has faded as she examines the heavy bags under his eyes. He’s always had them, of course, but maybe in recent months they’d gained a little more weight. A frown touches his lips and he looks to Naruto.

He only shrugs, and Kakashi sighs out. 

“I have been, yes, Sakura.”

“Good.” By her tone, she doesn’t quite believe him, but he doesn’t let it bother him.

As they nestle themselves comfortably upon the stools at Ichiraku, things almost feel normal. And by normal, he would mean things feel like how they used to be. They were all a little older now, a little more tired, a little more busy. But in this moment, as they all chatter off their orders to Teuchi and laugh because Sakura and Kakashi both tried to order slightly different things than the last time and Naruto faithfully orders the same thing, without fail, every time, Kakashi almost feels like it’s Team Seven again.

Almost.

Conversation turns menial, about this and that, mostly between the two parents as they discuss whatever comes to mind about their bundles of joy, while Kakashi sits and listens and wonders where the time goes. Still, he’s more content to be here than he’s ever been at home, even just listening to them talk about who is cuter, Sarada or Boruto. A tough choice, he’s sure.

Attention is on him suddenly, with Naruto’s hands gripping the edges of the counter and Sakura leaning forward expectantly and their eyes are glued on him like he was their teacher again, and they were eager students. Of course, he’d tuned himself out in time to miss the inquiry, so he clears his throat and asks, “What was that?”

“Gee, Kakashi… are you getting old? Yeah? You can’t hear us anymor-” The tail end of Naruto’s words are cut off by a sharp jab to the side by Sakura. It is appreciated.

“We asked who do you think is cuter?  _ Sarada _ , or Boruto?” By the way Sakura says it, she’s expecting him to answer in her favor. Leaning forward against the bar, Kakashi grows contemplative, rubbing his chin in idle thought, as though this were the toughest question ever asked of him. And it may be.

After what feels like a million years of silence, Kakashi snaps his fingers suddenly and rummages through the pocket of his pants to produce a wallet. It opens up, and in a clear insert, is a picture of a puppy laying on an ocean of blankets. If one didn’t know Kakashi to be notoriously cheap, they’d think it was almost professionally done. “Nasu is the cutest.”

Sakura groans and so does Naruto, but he quickly laughs and nods instead. “Y’got me there. She is pretty cute! I knew you’d like her when I picked her out for you!” And Naruto had been completely right. Nasu was the latest addition to his family of canines, a little thing with three spindly legs and a tuft of fur atop her head that she loved to be scratched on. She slept in his bed with him. The other dogs did, too, but none he allowed to sleep so close as that dog (well, maybe  _ Pakkun… _ )

She didn’t talk, not like the others did, but they spoke for her. Let him know when she was hungry, when she wanted to play. It turned out, he kind of liked having a dog that was quiet, save for the barking.

“So you don’t think my daughter’s cute?” Sakura asks, pulling him once more from his thoughts. He had such a bad habit of disappearing into those. He hums and snaps his wallet shut, letting it disappear into his pocket.

“I didn’t say that.” He states, as their food is put down in front of them, steaming bowls of beef broth and noodles. It’s now he realized he was a lot hungrier than he thought, though already he can feel the eyes of his former students, as well as Ayame’s, on him.

Sakura’s the first to look away, out of indignation more than lack of desire to peek at what he’s got under his mask, and she harrumphs like she’s never harrumphed before, picking apart her chopsticks and starting to eat. Kakashi can’t help but chuckle again, though Naruto still looks at him. There’s a wrinkle to his eye as he extends a flat palm to push at the man’s cheek. “It’s rude to stare.”

“C’mon,  _ still _ ? You’re totally old now! You can’t be handsome under there!”

“Naruto, I’m only in my thirties.” He says this rather deadpanned, though amusement laces its edges.

“That’s super old!” Naruto exclaims, throwing an arm up for emphasis.

“Some other time, maybe.”

“I’ll hold you to it, Kakashi-sensei!”

“Kakashi.” He responds firmly, though it seems for now blonde has given up on the prospect of seeing him demasked, and he’s comfortable enough to turn away and let his mask slip down to eat. He doesn’t feel the need, as he had before, to gulp it down. Ayame watches from around the kitchen, and she has a wide smile on her face. She’d asked him on dates before, he always declined. The two of them had settled into something bordering… acquaintanceship, he’d say. Because Kakashi hadn’t much in the way of friends.

She was married now, too. To a shinobi. Apparently, they’d fallen in love when he kept making trips to the ramen shop just to see her after his missions. The glint of the ring on her finger in the afternoon light as she offers him a wave goodbye fills him with a melancholy. She disappears into the kitchen.

When he finishes eating, he’s second to Naruto, and Sakura’s still going. Conversation settles again despite their earlier silence, this time they talk to Kakashi. They ask him how work is going, he says fine. They ask him about his dogs, if he’d seen Gai lately, and if he still tries to use Sharingan even though he doesn’t have it anymore. That question makes him laugh, and shake his head. He did though, not that he’d ever tell them.

At one point, Sakura glances to the ring on his finger, and considers speaking, but the ever-tired look in his eyes dissuades her.

Once more, it is appreciated.

Kakashi, for the first time in his life, decides to pay the bill. It comes as a shock and a surprise to the two with him, though they certainly file no complaints. He hands off the ry ō and then they’re all off, but not in different directions. For a while they decide to walk together, the early afternoon sky blue and full of clouds, and they all just talk. Well, Sakura and Naruto talk, and Kakashi listens, as it has always been, until the jinchuuriki realizes what time it is and he’s suddenly gone, almost in a whirlwind.

And then it’s just him and Sakura.

They walk a while more, quietly, side by side, until she speaks.

“You know, you haven’t come for a checkup in a while.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I haven’t? Must’ve slipped my mind.”

“Hokages aren’t exempt from them!”

“I’m sure I can get some legislation passed…” He taps his chin, and Sakura’s loosely curled fist bumps him in the shoulder. They both laugh a little, before they quiet.

“Seriously, come get checked up sometime. I’ll make it worth your while!” She says it with an almost sing-song voice, prompting Kakashi to look at her. Like,  _ really look _ . She realizes what she’s said, and turns as pink as her hair. “Oh, come on!”

“No, Sakura, by all means, tell me how you’ll do it.”

“Kakashi!”

“You said it.” He chuckles, and she glares at him.

“I just meant I could buy you lunch next time! Or, I dunno, get you a new book?” Once more he looks at her, and she has her face scrunched up as if that suggestion were awful. Like she shouldn’t have said it. He doubted she could actually find a book he hadn’t already read.

“Bribing me now? Isn’t that against the law?” His eyebrows raise.

“For political favors!” Now she sounds frustrated, and he is amused.

“Aa, well… hm. I’ll think about it, yeah?”

This placates her enough, she nods and hums in the affirmative. That’s generally all anyone gets out of him anyways. I’ll think about it. For a short while they walk more, just in silence, as he idly twists the ring around his finger. It’s a perfect fit, really. He can feel Sakura’s eyes on it, but whenever he looks at her, she looks away.

He knows she wants to ask about his marriage. Everyone does.

“We’re happy, don’t worry.” Kakashi says finally, though it sounds hollow to him. Because it is.

“What?” She seems taken aback that she’s been caught, then sheepish. She rubs her arm and looks away, and Kakashi thinks for a moment that she hasn’t changed much, has she?

“Miwa and I. You keep looking, and I know Naruto probably brought up what happened yesterday.”

“... Before we got to you, yes.” He can’t find the energy to be irritated.

His head shakes, and his hand slips through his silver hair. Of course Naruto brought it up, he had a big mouth. Not that he couldn’t keep a secret when he needed to, but if it wasn’t expressly a secret? It was fair game to anyone, especially to Sakura.

Kakashi grows a little curt after that, quiet. Sakura can tell she has struck a nerve, and what once had been a comfortable, but close distance between them, had divided into several feet and a lag on the Kage’s part. In the end, they arrive at the corner of the street his apartment rested on.

“Have a good day, Sakura.”

She turns on her heel to look at him, smiling. “Yeah, you too. Don’t forget what I said, okay? Think about it!”

With that she’s off, and he is too, and when he goes home and sits down in his favorite chair, Miwa is there. She’s playing with Nasu; she doesn’t much care for the dogs, but she tries where she can.

He twists the ring on his finger again as she asks how lunch was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who's been commenting and supporting me by the way! it's really great, and makes me excited!  
> i'm glad everyone's interested in what i'm making, aaa.


	4. gold glints in the sun

On Wednesday the following week, he is cornered by Gai in the markets.

“Rival! Where have you been hiding?”

His loud voice carries down the aisle Kakashi has nestled himself in, rolling a container of cleaning wipes he’s sure his wife would appreciate between his palms, and he lifts his head to meet the dark gaze of his favorite bowl-cut toting shinobi. Because there’s only two of them. And by obligation, he’s got to like this one the most.

( _And because he was truly his best friend, the man he trusted most, someone who he’d do anything for, if the situation called for it._ )

“Behind my desk, probably,” is his languid response, tucking the container into the basket he carried on his arm. There’s not much in it, but he’d felt the need to leave the house that day. It was too quiet, even with all the dogs and the two humans which occupied it. A grocery outlet provides a much welcomed hum in his ears, of conversations and sandals squeaking against linoleum, and some music he can’t place coming over the speakerphone.

It’s an upbeat song, but it does little to soothe the perpetual knit in his brow. Gai sees it and barrels forward, to sling his arm around his shoulder and sigh out. “Well, then! You must spend more time not behind it! You will grow roots and be stuck to the chair, you know? We must keep you going! Fresh! Youthful!”

He clenches his fist like he’s giving a speech, and Kakashi chuckles.

“Yeah? What, you want to spar?”

“Oh, my dear Rival, I didn’t say that. But! If a spar is what you want…?” He grins widely, looking at his friend expectantly. Kakashi clicks his tongue and shakes his head.

“A spar.” He rolls the words around on his tongue for a while, and ultimately shrugs. “Sure, but you have let me do this shopping, first.”

“Of course, of course! We will meet at the training grounds in the early afternoon!” Gai strikes a pose while he says this, like some sort of superhero, and were Kakashi not so used to these antics he’d feel embarrassment creeping up his ears.

From there, Kakashi only returns to his errands, leaving Gai standing awkwardly. He can scarce control his laughter when the man sheepishly returns to a relaxed stance and apologizes to the woman who runs the store for causing a scene.

 

* * *

 

When he gets home, he climbs in through the window. He’s always preferred those, and this window in particular is devoid of flower pots and wind chimes. Miwa is not at home, he realizes - as he enters the kitchen he finds a note she’s left him stuck to the fridge, with one of his kunai shaped magnets. He always did like those things.

In her pretty, looping handwriting, it reads; ‘ _I went to my mother’s. I’ll be home tonight! There’s food in the fridge, if you get hungry_.’

Suddenly he realizes he’s thankful for her absence. In silence he puts away the groceries he bought, while Pakkun and Bisuke make themselves comfortable in the beds in the corner. They’d probably dragged them in earlier, they were supposed to be in the living room. _Dogs_.

They recognize he just wants to be quiet for now, and do not speak. They just rest.

Finally, he turns around, and takes stock of where he is. He is home. His hands touch his chest; he is alive. Dark irises look around the room he finds himself in, and he thinks it’s unfamiliar. Why? He lives here. He stands in this kitchen every day. He wanders into the hall, at the spaces where photos should be. Married couples put up photos, right? Did they have any?

Yes, they did. They had photos of the marriage. They’re in a folder, tucked away in the hall closet. Kakashi had not wanted to put them up. He still isn’t sure he ever will want to.

He stands in the living room. He looks at the flowers. He looks at her house slippers, fuzzy purple things. He looks at the spot on the couch she sits and does her crosswords, and at the table where she drinks her tea.

He looks at the place where he sits, a tired old chair, and he settles himself into it. He lifts his gloved hand and covers his scarred eye. It’s a familiar darkness, and one he misses. Would anyone say anything if he started covering again?

Pakkun leaves the kitchen now, and makes his way over to Kakashi’s feet. He drops his hand.

“Boss?”

“Yeah?”

Pakkun looks like he’s going to say something, a contemplative look to him, head cocked to the side as curious dogs do. In the end he decides not to, and instead hops up onto the arm of the chair, settling preciously upon the edge next to Kakashi’s arm.

It rises, to scratch the dog behind the ear.

They are quiet, until the sun dips low enough that Kakashi decides he should go meet Gai.

 

* * *

 

A spar with Gai is rarely ever just a spar. It’s games, it’s races, it’s everything his mind can think of to challenge Kakashi in every way possible. It’s tally-marks on walls and whoever’s in the lead gets bragging rights until someone else is in the lead and the cycle just keeps going.

It’s been going this way for years and years now, not that Kakashi has any real complaints.

When he finally arrives at the training grounds, Gai looks like he’s been there for hours. He wouldn’t even doubt it. He’s already sweating, and there’s a beaten up log cracked in half on the ground. Kakashi wonders where Lee is, to be his cheerleader.

Oh, right. Lee was married now, too. Tenten. With a son. That whole thing was a mess in Kakashi’s eyes, especially with Neji’s death. Everyone knew he and Tenten had felt about each other; it felt sad to see them now. They didn’t fit together quite right, like puzzle pieces that could fit, if you smashed them into each other enough. They worked, but was it perfect? You could tell immediately it wasn’t.

Still, some bitter part of him relished the fact that it wasn’t just him.

“Ah! Kakashi!” Gai throws his arms out wide as if he’s expecting a hug, and when Kakashi does not deliver it the man waddles forward with them still outstretched. “Come, come now!”

“Gai, no.” He frowns and makes a motion to walk away.

The man only waddles faster.

“Gai.”

Here he comes.

“Gai!”

His arms are around him now. Why didn’t he punch him? Kami, who knows. But Gai’s got him in an embrace and he’s lifting him off the ground; Kakashi only hangs there limply, like a sad little rag doll, until he’s set back down upon his feet and his friend lets out a satisfied sigh.

From there they discuss what they’ll do today. Three rounds of rock paper scissors. A spar. Then a race. Then another spar. Kakashi thinks it’s a bit much, but maybe he’s also just getting old. And, when was the last time they’d done this? It felt like eons ago. Usually the two of them only met for drinks, after dusk, when all the paperwork was said and done. So, sure, he’s fine with it.

Kakashi wins two out of three rounds of rock paper scissors.

Gai narrowly wins the first spar, leaving Kakashi properly winded.

The race is a tie. Gai’s foot didn’t work the same as it used to, but he was lucky as hell not to lose it. Otherwise, he might’ve won.

When it’s time for the last spar, the sun has begun to set, casting a pretty orange glow across the sky, upon the training grounds, and the two men who occupy it. Wiping sweat from the side of his face, Kakashi readies himself as Gai stretches his arms high, high above his head, and in the air, he fears he might catch sight of a wedding ring. A band, gold, glinting in the light like a beacon.

There isn’t one.

But this distraction costs him, as Gai never holds back. Kakashi isn’t meant to either, but here he is, with his friend’s fist making solid contact with his face in almost a fractional of a second. Maybe he was faster than he thought, maybe his foot didn’t hold him back the way he suspected. True to form, Gai let nothing hold him back.

And that’s why he’s got blood gushing from a very cracked nose all of a sudden, feeling the warmth flow down his nose and onto his lips and the taste of copper is absolutely awful. Familiar, but awful.

Gai’s blinking, pulling his fist away, taken aback by how easy it’d been to stupefy his opponent. “Kakashi?”

A gloved hand raises to gingerly touch at his nose, and a white-hot searing pain travels from it throughout his nerves and he curses. Kakashi had a tolerance for pain, of course. It wasn’t that bad. His anger is more for the fact that he’s allowed it to happen.

“Maa, Gai?” He asks, suppressing his irritation as he looks to his friend now.

“Yes?”

“Do you think you’ll ever get married?” His eyebrows are knit together, as a million thoughts rush through his mind, so fast he can’t catch them.

Before he gets a verbal response, Gai only laughs. Boisterously. In that way where you know you’ve just said something ridiculous, like it’s the funniest thing. Apparently, it had been. But as Gai looks over Kakashi’s expression he realizes that he is serious.

Gai is not known to be a cryptic man. But sometimes? Sometimes he can be.

“I don’t know, dear rival. Will you?”

“I am married.”

Gai only looks at him for a time, thick eyebrows furrowing.

“I suppose you are.”

The question continues to eat at him as he walks through double doors and smells antiseptic.

And it does not stop there, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry all my chapters are so bittersweet


	5. broken noses and latex gloves

Hospitals are, actually, completely awful.

Kakashi thinks this every time he walks the sterile halls, or when he wakes up in the beds, or when he so much as looks at the building on the horizon. With his head tilted back, he stands rather nonchalantly in the midst of a wide hallway, wondering which nurse he wanted to suffer today. He does not like many of the nurses here, and none of them like him. It was an even trade, really.

They always jabber on about how awful of a patient he was, how he needs to just sit still, stop pulling tubes out of his arm, not to jump out the window whenever they turn around. Kakashi hates being smothered, and hates being in bed for too long. Especially when there is work to be done.

A thought crosses him, as he watches with scrutinizing eyes a young nurse contemplate confronting him about blood, that he could have just gone home and dealt with this there. There was nothing stopping him from setting his nose back right and cleaning up the blood at home. That’s entirely what he was planning on doing here, at least, he just needed to find a nurse lenient enough to let him work on himself.

He’d rather not deal with Miwa; she dislikes when he comes home injured. Not that he does it so often anymore, what with being Hokage now. 

_ ‘You can’t go on missions, no, no, you’re too high profile.’ _ Some days he wants to swipe a mission off the desk, and feel the itch of his finger around the metal loop of a kunai again. There’s a certain comfort in blood and war, he thinks. Trading that for a pen and paper has proven difficult.

In any case, he’s about on edge to turn tail and head home before his wife does when he sees a flash of pink hair. All at once he feels on edge and completely relieved.

“Kakashi!” She calls, the moment she sees him.

He looks her over. Her hair is pinned up, to keep out of her face, and she looks like she’s been awake for days. Left hand rises to offer her a wave, his right still keeping the blood from dripping off his chin and onto the floor. Gai really did a number on him.

“Are you here for youuuuuuur _ ohno _ .” It all meshes into one word as she immediately comes forward and smacks his hand away from his face. Her hand grips onto his jaw, turning his head to the side and examining the way his poor nose bends at an angle it shouldn’t. 

“What did you do? Get too excited reading Icha Icha, or something?” Her tone is teasing, and Kakashi snorts in response.

Then winces, because snorting hurts.

“Spar with Gai.”

“And he did this to you?” She asks incredulously, pulling her hand away and letting it travel downward to grasp at his sleeve and drag him into an unoccupied room. Then, she sets him down upon the medical bed in the room and pulls a chair up and looks around for a medical kit.

Kakashi rests his palms against his knees and watches her. “I got distracted was all. I don’t usually let it happen.”

“What distracted you that much, huh? Are you sure it wasn’t the books?” A mind that works too hard already drifts to the feigned image of a gold band around his rival’s ring finger, and he frowns behind his mask. When he does not answer, Sakura takes that not as an invitation to ask more, but to drop it.

“Ah, well. Come here, let me get a look at it.” Her hands creep toward his mask, and instinctively his bloodied hand shoots up to grab hold of her wrist. “You’ve been cooperative until now! I’m not going to take the whole thing off, okay? Promise.”

He supposed she was right. Here he was, sat where he led her like a horse to its stable, watching her put on gloves and dig around through gauze and bandages and antiseptic and all manner of things. He allowed her close. Of course he did, she was his medic. Maybe not his medic, but there was a sense of possessiveness one gains over their team members. 

He trusted her dearly. If someone was to set his nose back into place, it would be her.

… She’d seen under the mask before anyway, he was sure. She worked at the hospital. And he’d been unconscious in here far more than he had been the opposite. If it hadn’t been the sheer curiosity that got her, it’d be her taking care of him.

(  _ He is thankful she’s never mentioned it. _ )

So his fingers uncurl from around her wrist and drop to his lap and she begins to slowly furl the mask down. As it’s taken down, the ugly bruise blossoming across his pale skin becomes more and more evident. Kakashi is a perceptive man, and he can see the frown that twitches at the corners of Sakura’s lips ( _ he notices, briefly, she put on lipstick this morning, but it had since faded _ ,) and he feels almost guilty. He pushes the thought away.

She stops rolling it down underneath his nose, right before his lips are revealed. The two of them are silent as she starts to dab the antiseptic onto a soft cloth, wiping away the blood that had gathered around his nose. There’s much more, dripped under his chin, pooling at the bottom of his mask, but she’s respectful. The sort of the respect that isn’t just because he’s the Hokage.

The searing pain dulls into a quiet ache, as Kakashi stares at two things. The seal upon Sakura’s forehead, then at the space on her finger where a wedding ring would be. Somehow, it soothes his soul to see the skin unmarred by a tan line, or the red circles where a ring that fit just okay had been removed for fear of losing it during work.

Some things were safe.

Without thinking, he begins to spin his own ring around his finger. Sakura, ever the astute, notices as she sops up the last of the blood and withdraws for the moment. She wants to speak, and he can see it on her face as he looks up. He recalls their last meeting the weekend before and wishes to avoid that again.

“You know, Kakashi…” She starts, her voice quiet as she discards the bloodied cloth to the side, rising from her seat in the chair to settle himself between his knees, tilting his head back as she examines his exposed nose. It’s closer than she’s been in a while, and even with a sensitive nose, he can smell her perfume. It smells like wisteria and lilac. Maybe a hint of something else, but he can’t place it.

“You give too much of yourself.”

That’s all she says, before she snaps his nose back into place and he’s seeing white for a second and then she’s gone away from him.

“I want you to come back next week, okay? Or whenever you get time. You still need that check up.” She peels her latex gloves off and they land in the trash quietly. He frowns, but does not object outright. “We’ll go to lunch after.”

“Make it worth my while, you mean?” He asks, that frown turning into a grin behind his mask. He can taste blood on his teeth. He feels like he should be mad about what she said, tell her she has no idea what she’s talking about. 

Hatake Kakashi is a happy man. ( _ No, he is not. _ )

“Don’t make me break your nose after I’ve just fixed it.” Sakura’s voice is warning, and he knows her words to be true. He does not press any further.

“I’ve got other things to do, so I’ve got to go. But take your time, clean up the rest of your face, yeah? It’s probably super gross under there.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

With that, she’s gone, as fast as she came, taking the smell of flowers and spring with her. Kakashi can breathe easy now, and the pain is no longer as intense. He is thankful. Picking up the clean rags she’d left out for him, he moves over to the sink. He cleans himself up, and goes home.

 

* * *

 

When he gets home, he sits on the tree branch outside his favored window for a while. He lets his legs dangle over the edge, faces the monument etched into stone, and just watches the sky pass by. A pink sky filters slowly into a dark one littered with glittering stars, as he is left alone with his thoughts and the clouds.

At some point, he hears Miwa. He knows it’s her because he has the sound of her footsteps memorized and he knows she always wipes her feet on the mat three times before turning the key to the door and going inside. She drops her keys on the table, and at least three of the dogs pace around her like she’s got treats.

She does not, and she shoos them away.

Eyes are still on the sky as he trains his ears intently on her journey through the apartment. She stops in the kitchen, he hears the fridge open. The food she prepared is still there. He does not hear her sigh, but he knows she does.

When she goes back into the living room, that’s when she sees him on the branch outside the window. He hears her gasp, can practically envision her clutching her chest. Within moments the window is open, and she’s sticking her head outside to look at his back.

“Kakashi! How come you’re outside?”

“No reason, Miwa. I wanted to watch the sunset.”

“You couldn’t from the table, or maybe the ground?” She is a civilian. She does not climb trees, or do much by way of risks. Maybe marrying the Hokage was the biggest one she ever took.

Bad idea, he thinks. For lots of reasons.

“This branch is the best seat in the village, you know. The way the sun disappears behind the monument? It’s beautiful.”

“You don’t call things beautiful often.” Not out loud. Not to  _ you _ .

“Aa, you’re right. Well, it is.”

Cicadas call, crickets chirp, and the two of them grow quiet. It’s a bit cold tonight, but he doesn’t think much of it. Miwa waits in the window for a long time, hugging her shawl over her front. He wonders why she does not simply go back inside, or go to her room. Why is she waiting?

“Isn’t it cold, Kakashi?”

“Maybe a little.” He responds, dimly. He looks at his gloves, and realizes he forgot to wash them. He would do that tonight, he supposed. Not like he slept much anyway.

“Come inside, then.”

“Soon.”

One word replies are generally where she stops. Miwa does not argue. Miwa does not challenge. She is gentle, and kind, and submissive. She does what she knows Kakashi needs. This is not to say she does not think of herself, as he is sure she does, but he wished there was more fire to her. He wished there was something to spark him.

Or maybe that is for the best. Kakashi is not a man who deserves real love.

He waits to hear her respond, if she decides to, but he is right in his assumption that she would stop there. The sound of her slippers shuffling against the hardwood floor echoes plaintively in his ears, and his chest.

‘ _ I do not know, dear rival. Will you? _ ’

Gai’s words fill his mind now, like static and cotton balls.

It’s another two hours before he gets up from the branch, and goes inside. He says good night to Miwa, and tells her he will take the food she made to lunch tomorrow. Then, he goes to his room, and lays in bed, and thinks of all the ways he’s messed up his life so far.

The next day, the council calls him to their office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be from sakura's pov! and THEN we get into whatever the hell's happening with the counil :)


End file.
